Enough is Enough

Okay, I have a bone to pick with some of the Christian community. I have heard so many cases of the scenario this post will describe, and of the sometimes irrevocable damage it inflicts, and it makes me weep with heartache and fury. Those of you who say the phrase I'll be addressing almost certainly have the best intentions, but your ignorance causes so much harm that you will never see, and I want this post to save as much future pain as possible.

When Christians confide in each other about how they are suffering currently - it doesn't even have to have a label of "depression", it can just be a really rough patch - a response they apparently often hear is: "But God should be enough for you." No matter how noble your intentions, this is one of the most unhelpful and damaging things you can say, and I really hope this post explains clearly and faithfully why and how you can change.

Firstly, let me show you how this is faulty logic. You say that God should be enough. What do you mean by "enough"? Do you mean that God's omnipotence, generosity and boundless love fills our spirit so we feel no other desires or distractions, as described in the Bible? This is true...or it will be, when we have perfect unity with Him. We still live in a fallen world, and we ourselves are still fallen, because we still sin. How/why do we still sin? Because we don't love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Because God doesn't feel enough for us even when we're in a period of our lives where we are showered with His blessings, let alone when we feel distant from Him. What I'm trying to say is you're right; God's love should be enough for us, for everyone. But the very fact that we are fallen, that we are still sinful, is both the cause and the symptom of our sickness, that we don't think He is enough. No one does. And saying that is not helpful; the person suffering also reads the Bible, also listens to the sermons. They know God should be enough, but the reality is that in that rough period of theirs, He doesn't feel like He is. So instead of helping them, you have told them no knew information and instead reminded them of something else they lack.

Which brings me on to my second point. Let me show you how damaging saying that is. Picture the situation; a young woman from your regular service walks up to you, shy and nervous and steeling herself for a task that is very difficult. She tells you that her work life is extremely difficult right now, that she's feeling really insecure in her love life - whether in a relationship or single - that she had hoped for praise for a piece of work she put her heart into, and she has approached you, terrified, for comfort. Do you really, in that moment, think it's a good idea to turn to that lost and broken woman and say: "You're a bad Christian, too"? Because that is what people hear when you say that. That is such an awful thing to say, another knife in their heart that, for His own purposes, God just won't pull out no matter how loud they cry out to Him. It is especially painful if that is the only "help" you give them.

Now here is something I learnt in a recent sermon that really stuck with me. In the Bible, does it say that we should just pray for the hungry, the naked, the persecuted, etc? Of course not; we are to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, defend the persecuted. All very practical commands, all about action. That broken woman who walked up to you is in need of your practical help, though the effect may be psychological. Tell them you know how much that piece of work meant to them; tell them about a hard point in your own work life, emphasising that you feel their pain; tell them that you understand love life difficulties, because almost all of us would have felt those insecurities. God does not call us first to convert our neighbours but to love them. So love them.

I Know

Again, sorry for the delay in updating!

As I said, self-harm is a really complicated subject, so I'm touching on it again following immediately on from my previous post to make another strange thing clear.

Sometimes, when I thought about hurting or even killing myself, it wasn't to remove my existence or even to relieve stress in that weird way I explained in my previous post. My motivator was, in one very real sense, spite. At one point, there were multiple parties in my life whom I felt didn't value me as much as I wanted. So, often, a passing thought would be something like this: "If I throw myself in front of this lorry and end up in hospital or dead, then they'll be sorry. Then they'll realise how much they love me."

Now the other side of this reasoning is a lot more normal, if you think about it. I thought I wasn't getting recognition for trying. Like my efforts were just passing unnoticed. And hurting yourself is a very drastic - and sometimes unsuccessful - way of getting noticed. The Goo Goo Dolls had it right in their song Iris: "You bleed just to know you're alive."

As always though, God gave me a simultaneous rebuke and reassurance for each of these misconceptions. God, He who is Love, flooded my memory with all the wonderful times I'd had with each party involved, all the times when I had keenly felt their love, and He said, "Do you really think they don't love you already?" And He knelt down to my small, confused, angry, desperate self, curled up in a ball on the floor, and looked me right in the eyes: "Do you really think I don't notice you? Do you think I don't notice how difficult it is and how hard you're trying? Dear daughter, there's not a single breath you take, a single blink of your eyes, a single tear that you cry, that I don't notice. I noticed how frustrated you were with that essay because you couldn't get the feeling of worthlessness out of your head. I noticed how difficult it was to force your body to move and cook dinner last night. I notice it all."

It took a while, but I learnt that I could never be invisible to or unloved by the Father who always watches over all His children because He loves them beyond all love I could ever comprehend.